Dissecting the holy F-word
The wave of feminism is here.
It has been here for a while now.
It keeps getting wilder, day in and lights out as it washes ashore key highlights like the #MeToo movement.
According to Merriam-Webster, feminism means “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes” and “organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.”
Yeah, well that sounds as a good elevator pitch but does feminism equate to man-hating? I do not think so.. Perhaps, it could use more perspective and context.
This phenomenon is the outcome of a serious moral crisis, not just in India but also globally. Top that with growing awareness of the acts of violence against women, the painful obstacles of under-representation in all decision-making positions and the misrepresentation of women and girls in media.
Many in my generation, due to well-intentioned parenting and rigid but self-esteemed education were socialized to believe that we were special little snowflakes that could save the world. We breeze past the stages of graduation (Post graduation or a PhD, in some cases), high on our overblown expectations and float back down to the Earth and realize “Oh sweet Lord, what are we supposed to do next now?”
Media houses label us as the future of the world and it would be fairly accurate to say that we are deeply overwhelmed. And to be fair, there’s a lot to be overwhelmed about. There’s environmental crisis, expanding immoral and wealth disparity in the country and globally, Xenophobia is not a new guest and seems to just tread North, trafficking women and girls is on another sorry level altogether. That’s enough to make us feel cramped and overwhelmed.
As females we were trained to dodge, to wait, to cover and cower, and then wait and wait and wait some more.
We were told to be silent. “Don’t think you have a voice. You need to be a mime all your life, be a god damn good wife and bear with just the bare-necessities.”
If a woman wants to take her husband’s name, that’s her place to decide and not mine to judge.
If a woman bags the highest of the academic degree possible just because she wants to and still chooses to stay at home and take care of the children, it’s not my place to judge; and I will most definitely not.
The problem is not that she makes herself vulnerable in that choice; the problem is that our society is set up to make women vulnerable when they choose.
There’s also this:
I hold certain truths as self-evident. This is my perspective of feminism:
Males and females deserve equal pay for equal work. Playing the victim card based on gender is not cool.
We have the right to move across the world and make our own choice, not confined to harassment or violence of any sort.
We have the right to affordable, birth control measures and reproductive services.
We have the right to make the choices about our bodies and careers, not complying to any type of oversight.
We have the right to respect the other gender and be respected.
There’s so much more.
Being a feminist comes with a lot of pressure because we have the tendency to put these visible feminists on a pedestal and expect them to be an epitome of perfection. We take their behavior, their words, their actions way too seriously. And when they disappoint us we strip them off of their image and delightfully knock them off the very pedestal that we put them on in the first place!
I hold all these things true but let me clarify: I am a mare’s nest. I am full of contradictions.
There are several ways in which I am doing my feminism wrong. Here’s another confession: When I am commuting, I listen to the most outright Bollywood and sometimes Hollywood rap. They are poles apart, but stay with me here.
I perform this activity even though the lyrics are all about women-bashing and they offend me to the core!
Check out the “Ying-Yang twins-Salt Shaker” and embrace yourself for a (wild?) ride.
Ah, Poetry right? I can easily mortify myself by my music choices.
Reality is, if I continue to listen to women-hating/objectifying rap, artists will continue to make it. I am creating a demand for which artists are more than happy to contribute to the limitless supply. These artists are not going to alter themselves and the way they speak about women in their songs until we demand the change by affecting the very bottom line.
Certainly it is difficult! Why must it be so catchy?
It’s hard to make a better choice and so easy to justify the lesser obnoxious one.
So I need to stop. No matter how insanely catchy the music is, it isn’t worth it. Nor is television that treats violence against women as a ridiculous sport. Nor are movies that treat women as decorative objects with no smidgen of scope for any character arc.
When I make a bad choice, I make it harder for women to achieve equality, the equality that we all deserve and I need to own that!
I think of the girls and women around me and envision their powerful personalities, and suddenly making the better choice becomes easier.
I cannot call myself a feminist because of the overuse of its essence. What I do believe is in being normal.
We could all make better choices.
Switch to a different TV channel if women are treated as mere pieces of visual treats.
Have insightful conversations amongst your peers and put your foot down if females are treated next to zilch.
Teach young boys and girls about the importance of consent.
In making such small but pointed decisions, men and women can together push to make a difference and narrow the differences between the sexes.
We can commit these small acts of bravery and hope that our choices trickle up to the people in power, people who make bigger, braver choices to make lasting change.
Even if that doesn’t happen, we should have a self-awareness software installed in us that could help make a change in a little way; because if you think the cost of education is high try finding out the price of being delusional.
I hope that we can all be a little brave. I am trying to make better choices.
