The power of unpredictability
“I want to become a Chartered Accountant”, the 18-year-old announced to her parents unwaveringly while struggling to ascertain the difference between cumin seeds and carom seeds; yet again interchanging them for the dinner-meal.
They sighed a breath of relief and looked at her with hope beaming in their eyes and pride exhibiting in their stature.
“Our daughter has taken the right decision”, her father proclaimed. Little did he know about what was coming up next.
I was always a meticulous, studious and hard-working student from my former youth days. As a child showcasing above average results belonging to a middle class family, I took it onto myself to be the best at academics because that’s what would make my parents glad.
I never settled on being the second best. I had to be the best. Numero Uno.
Honestly, I've lost count of the times I was called a nerd or a teacher’s pet. I lacked confidence in terms of carrying my personality, was insecure about a lot of things, was bullied and that penetrated more into my personality.
I had a few bunch of people that had my back and they deserve all the extra cheese and tomato ketchup while ordering pizza. Undoubtedly.
This phase lasted all through high school, until I worked my way up in securing admission for the most procurable discipline in Commerce at the University of Delhi.
The unknown was awaiting. Breaking out of the cocooned atmosphere at home, here was a possibility of exhilarating opportunities which seldom altered between being nervous and optimistic. So did my ambition.
I liked being a part of a team. I also adored writing now and then. Sketched once in a blue moon. Participated in debates during my mid-teens. But here was a chance to change things and not falter to the unchartered territories, yet.
As I rambled around campus that first day, praying to God or Satan that I could reach my college in five minutes, I began to question every life decision I had ever made. Why didn't I walk around campus one more time before the semester started? Why is everyone staring at me? When did the sun decide to beam with pride that left sweat patches in the most unpleasant ways? Damn nuclear fusion.
But most importantly, how did I choose my major and what am I doing with my life? I hurriedly brushed the thoughts aside and muttered to myself that “I need to make the most of it,” whilst watching the nonchalant girls grace their performances throughout the orientation program.
Trying to distance myself from the external forces pressurizing me to decide my entire life, I managed to find my voice far away from the seemingly harmless family friends and judgmental caring relatives grilling me about my major.
The atmosphere of the new city was filled with aplomb. New friends. New ambitions. Same cluelessness. My unformed adult career goals had taken a backseat.
Three years flew by. My ambitions changed for the better. Money motivated me then, it still does but in a more refined sense. New possibilities were unlocked and here I sit typing and thinking about newer possibilities that await.
So while the rest of the world may seem like it is forcing you to make all your life decisions simultaneously, I strongly believe that sometimes the best option is not to decide all at once.
However, I sure know one thing for certain now. Cumin seeds and carom seeds are poles apart.
Here’s to welcoming chaos.
Here’s to adulthood.
